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Becoming Stronger When Life Breaks
- Nov 29, 2024
- By The LIFE Team
Today is another beautiful Tennessee morning. I’m home in Nashville, recovering from the surgery I had 12 days ago, so I slept in just a bit. As I rolled out of bed, I grabbed my robe, my computer and a cup of tea to settle in for the better half of the day in my study.
I’ve stared out the window of my study now for at least 45 minutes, asking God to give me a fresh word. And … nothing. Nothing comes to mind. My fingers are frozen to the keys of my computer. “Move, fingers. Type something brilliant!” I think it’s just one of those days when I feel numb, a bit emotional after this surgery, and I’m at a loss for words, but the tears fall freely.
I miss the life that I once knew. I miss the love that surrounded my life. I miss the tender care on a recovery day after surgery like this. I miss so many things about yesterday. Yet even in the midst of these tears, I also continue to fight for the life I still have, the love that still surrounds me and the absolute goodness of God through it all.
You see, I know this isn’t just my story. It’s our story. Anyone who risks loving risks losing. Life is filled with beginnings and endings. Some people call them chapters in life. Bankruptcy, loss of a child or spouse, death of a dream, a friendship that failed, fired from a job, end of a marriage, end of a career or a ministry that didn’t make it.
You can write the next chapter of your life
But here’s the really beautiful part: You get to write the next chapter of your life. Nobody can write it for you. You have to write it yourself. That means you have to make some choices for your life today.
And trust me, I know they’re not easy. Everything in my life was shaken. All my plans crumbled. But I am still standing and embracing the richness of the Lord’s healing power over my life. I am stronger than I have ever been in my faith, my purpose and where God has me today. I have known the depths of heartache, and I’ve also known the even greater depths of God’s love and sustaining power.
God works in your pain to give life purpose
I was just 15 years old when I met who would become the man of my dreams, Trent Lenderink. I’ll never forget that wintry night in Grand Rapids, Michigan. I was sitting with my girlfriends in youth group when three “yummy” guys walked into the room; I raised my hands toward heaven and quietly whispered, “Thank You, Jesus! I love church!”
As our eyes met that night, who could have known that would be the beginning of a fairytale-like relationship. I wasn’t allowed to date until I was 16; but you guessed it, on my birthday the phone rang, and hours later I was staring at Prince Charming. Trent and I dated for 7½ fun and adventurous years before we walked down the aisle in 1990 and were married in the very church where we first met. I’ll never forget that feeling of knowing that I was about to spend the rest of my life with my soulmate, my best friend.
Life was good. Trent and I were so young and so in love, and many times it felt like we were just playing house. We both had some longtime dreams, and one of mine was music. I had felt a calling on my life ever since I was a little girl, and I felt like music would be a part of that in some way.
So I pursued that dream and eventually signed my first record deal in 1995. I wanted Trent to be a part of this journey with me every step of the way, so I took his first name as my last and became Tammy Trent while he became my manager.
After 11 years of marriage, three albums under my wings that produced a handful of hit songs on Christian radio, a few bumps in the road and a move to Nashville, I was slowing down. I was at a crossroads.
Do you ever go through those seasons when you’re asking God:
What is Your will for my life?
What is Your purpose for me?
What am I doing with my life?
Does it really matter?
I think those questions came from a heart that was longing to be RIGHT where God intended me to be.
I was tired of running my race and trying to do it all on my own. I needed God, and I needed to hear His voice. I wanted to feel fulfilled, and I knew the only place I would feel that was truly being in the will of God for my life. God was up to something. I could feel it. I just didn’t have any idea what it was.
Then one day, the phone rang, someone asking us if our schedule was clear. It was. So Trent and I hopped on a plane to Jamaica for a mission trip. We both loved mission work and had been involved in mission outreach ministries together since our time in youth group.
God’s timing is perfect
What perfect timing, I thought. Time away from everything and everyone so that I could hear clearly from God. I must admit I felt a little lost and exhausted and scared about the future, but I also felt that as long as Trent was by my side, I would be just fine.
We were in a gorgeous place. It was our day off to play and make a memory, so we headed to Jamaica’s spectacular Blue Lagoon. The sun was shining, the water was aquamarine and Trent was ready to free dive in the center of the 200-foot-deep lagoon. He slid quietly into the water without a splash and said, “I’ll see you in 15 minutes.” Then Trent turned toward the deep water, sank beneath the surface and was gone.
It has been 21 years since I stood on the edge of the water, waiting for Trent to return. I have certainly cried hundreds of buckets of tears through my healing through the years. There were times when I screamed out how much I hated and hurt over this new plan for my life, but I have also learned to walk it out with hope and faith by the grace of God as I gained perspective on what God’s purpose would be for the pain I had experienced.
When you don’t have answers to your “why” questions
Some things remain a mystery to me. This side of heaven I don’t think I’ll ever have the full answers to all the “why” questions. But as I keep my eyes open to the things of God, I see Him at work all around, giving my pain purpose.
I will never forget a life-changing moment that came a few days after Trent went to heaven. I was in a hotel bathroom, clinging to the bathroom vanity. Barely strong enough to stand through my agonizing tears, I asked God to send someone.
“I’m not asking for thousands of angels or even a hundred angels, but just one angel that would hold me. I feel alone. Are You there, God? Do You see this girl? Are You real? Please just send me someone if You’re there!”
And then I sensed the Spirit nudging me to get up and move. I made my way over to the adjoining room, and when I got there, I saw a beautiful Jamaican woman standing there in a housekeeping outfit. I looked at her and said, “Ma’am, can you come in and make my bed? It’s a mess.”
She looked at me and said, “Yes. I’ve been trying to get to you. I could hear you crying, and I’ve been trying to get to you. Can I just come in and hold you?” Do you see that! It was an instant answer to my prayer. She walked in, wrapped her arms around me and without hesitation began to pray for me. I cried in her arms as my healing began at that very moment. I knew that I would not just survive this but overcome it in Jesus’ name!
Choose to find resolution in your situation
Yes, there are sunny days, but there are also rainy days. Both are a part of the seasons of life, and they have their own distinct purposes. Troubles are all around us, and they do not discriminate in their visitations. Problems are a part of life. It is also part of life – if you choose – to find resolution and growth in the challenges you face.
The Lord has brought so much healing in my life through the years, giving me great purpose filled with adventure. My spirit feels alive and well. But, oh yes, I continue to face challenges from time to time, or just a gut punch from Trent’s absence here on earth; but there isn’t a moment that goes by when I don’t feel the presence and the hand of God guiding me.
God will speak to you through His love
Recently, I was working at home and felt so overwhelmed with “stuff.” I ran upstairs to my bedroom closet, shut the door behind me and just lost it. I cried like a baby. “I can’t do this. I’m not strong enough today. I’m not smart enough.”
About 15 minutes into my big girl cry, my eyes were drawn to a tiny light shining through the crack of the door and onto my shoe case. As I pulled myself together, I could almost hear the whisper:
“Tammy, you ARE strong enough. You ARE smart enough. You ARE brave enough. Look at all of these shoes. Look at how far you’ve come. You’ve walked through every new season of life, and you continue to put one foot in front of the other as you wholeheartedly put your faith and trust in Me!”
“Yes!” I shouted. “Yes!” I got up, wiped my tears and grabbed my running shoes.
Sometimes the choice in life is as simple as just showing up and allowing Jesus to do something beautiful with your life. He doesn’t say, “Fix everything and make sure you show up with a smile on your face.” He says, “Come as you are and let Me heal you. Let Me rescue you. Let Me save you.” And when you become stronger, He will use your life to impact another.
The truth is, I thought for a long time I just couldn’t do it again without Trent, but God carried me through until I understood that I could do it, that I was strong enough.
I think He was showing me that I had relied too much on Trent and not enough on Him. When Trent went to heaven, as hard as it is to say, I believe it was a part of God’s plan, and, no surprise, I’ve not liked this part at all. But I am still convinced that it also was part of God’s plan that I climb back up on that stage, walk through those doors that He was opening, say yes to another mission trip, say yes to the unknowns and continue in ministry, whatever that may look like, for His glory and His Kingdom.
It has truly become something new – deeper and richer. It is a new fragrance of healing and hope that surrounds my life. I don’t pretend everything makes sense, but I just keep showing up so that others can see that I’m a real girl letting a real God heal all the broken places in her life.
My message to you today is bold, and it’s clear
You will get through this. Not “somehow,” but triumphantly. You may have walked through horrible circumstances in life that have crushed your spirit, but this one truth I know: God’s plans and purpose for your life are good.
They were good at the moment you were created and are still good today. I know life is hard, but I also truly believe God is faithfully good and He has the power to restore the broken places in your heart. Remember, God’s intent is never to leave you where you are – in a place of hurt – but rather to move you to a place of wholeness and healing.
I know that fear of the unknown can be overwhelming today, but try to keep seeking to be healed and finding something beautiful within the ashes (Isaiah 61:3). I stand with you at this moment in prayer as a fellow traveler giving my pain purpose too. We can’t give up. We just can’t! Victory is within us, and so is the Kingdom of God!
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