Choose Your Friends Wisely

How many Facebook friends do you have? According to research by Dr. Robin Dunbar, we are capable of about 15 social relationships. Friendships, of course, are a smaller circle than all our social relationships.

A person typically has around three to five close friendships, but that number has been in decline in recent decades, especially for men. A 2021 American Perspectives Survey found that 49 percent of Americans have three or fewer close friends and 12 percent have no close friends at all.

As social media leaves us feeling more isolated, the value of true friendship is even greater. According to God’s design, friendships aren’t optional. Our culture and technology make deep relationships significantly more challenging to develop and maintain. Perhaps we need a bit of wisdom.

Friendships to Foster

A famous modern proverb says, “Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.” It’s an undeniable rule that we gravitate to the interests and attitudes of our closest friends. Not all friends are good friends. Here are the friendships we should foster.

Friends who give godly counsel. “Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel” (Proverbs 27:9). That’s why Larrie is my best friend. During a particularly precarious season for me professionally, his wise counsel was life giving. He warned me of land mines I was about to step on. He helped me put my feelings into perspective. He called me out and built me up.

Friends who make you better. “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17). Doug was that man for me in my first ministry in San Antonio. He was older and wiser and took the time to buy me lunch and sharpen me in ministry. Over the years, we have done mission work, written books, and mentored college students. I’m a better scholar, pastor, and husband because of my friend Doug.

Friends who sacrifice for you. The most famous friendship in the Bible was between David and Jonathan (1 Samuel 18:1). Jonathan was heir to the throne. Yet he willingly gave that up for David. When Saul, Jonathan’s father, wanted to kill David, Jonathan spoke up and stood up for him (19:1-7). Jonathan’s self-sacrifice was a key reason David rose to power and prominence. Perhaps it’s no coincidence that every leadership mistake David made was after the death of his best friend, Jonathan. It’s also no coincidence that Jesus defined friendship as sacrifice: “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13).

Friendships to Avoid

We are easily attracted to people for the wrong reasons. Proverbs identifies two friendships that are particularly dangerous.

My enemy’s enemy. People sometimes say, “The enemy of my enemy is my friend.” This proverb is a fast track to trouble. Sure, it feels good to get the goods on someone you dislike. But anyone who gossips about your enemy is just as likely to gossip about you.

King David was as good a friend as anyone could hope to have (with the unfortunate exception of Uriah). Yet he had friends abandon him when it benefited them. He wrote a mournful ode about this: “It is not an enemy who taunts me—then I could bear it; it is not an adversary who deals insolently with me—then I could hide from him. But it is you, a man, my equal, my companion, my familiar friend” (Psalm 55:12-13).

The wealthy. When financial gain is the foundation of a friendship, neither party fares well. If you bribe someone for friendship, you become a slave to serve them. “Many seek the favor of a generous man, and everyone is a friend to a man who gives gifts” (Proverbs 19:6). This always comes with a cost, and that cost is often competition. The wealthy have plenty of people at their beck and call. You may find yourself easily replaced by a more powerful person. Whatever is purchased can be discarded. That’s as true with friendships as with trinkets. “Wealth brings many new friends, but a poor man is deserted by his friend” 19:4). Solomon had plenty of money, so take his advice: “It is better to be of a lowly spirit with the poor than to divide the spoil with the proud” (16:19).

Wisdom in Action

Who you befriend (this includes your spouse) has more bearing on your life’s direction than any other decision. You might ask, “What about my decision to follow God?” That is a friendship decision. We aren’t merely worshipping God or serving him. We are befriending him. Abraham was called “a friend of God” (James 2:23).

It was Jesus, however, who made a way for us to be friends of God. The night before he died, Jesus told his disciples, “You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you” (John 15:14-15). Therefore, our friendships on earth should foster our most important friendship with God. If you choose the right friends on earth, they will point to your best Friend in heaven.

Tune in to hear Mark Moore this Wednesday, January 28, on LIFE TODAY. Adapted from Wisdom 52 by Mark E. Moore. Copyright © 2025 by Mark E Moore. Published by WaterBrook, an imprint of the Penguin Random House Christian Publishing Group.  Used by permission.