I have a list of things I am horribly ashamed of. Most of them are tucked deep in the back of my mind. Many of them are faint memories, like a tiny scar barely noticeable after years of new growth, long chats with my counselor, and better choices and habits. I could have a Ph.D. in learning from my mistakes. And yes, I’ve made the same mistake twice to make sure I learned it. By going broke twice, I learned how to manage my money (or at least to stop being so gullible) — like don’t loan people money that you need yourself or that you know you are going to need paid back. Because 99.9999 percent of the time, you will never see it again. Don’t trust accountants who can’t count, and don’t trust managers who charge you 52 percent of your income. I like to see the good in people, but in show business, I have met some unscrupulous characters and lost a lot of money trusting them.
I have learned to hold people more accountable for what they are supposed to be doing for me. For example, when I do a show, the promoter is supposed to do exactly what his title is — promote me. A promoter accidentally sent me an email that was clearly not intended for me. In it, he said Chonda is selling out, so let’s promote our other clients then lay the radio promotion cost onto her shows. Whoops.
Those things hurt. They cause you to lose trust—even in good people. I want to trust, but sometimes the people I’ve trusted and believed had my best interests at heart really didn’t give one hoot about me. I also will never make the mistake again of spending money to make a DVD just to get on The Ellen DeGeneres Show or The Tonight Show. I am so past that… although, if their talent booker happens to be reading this, call me.
I just realized if I start listing all my mistakes, this is going to become a 1,200-page book. If the list of mistakes was all I let define me, it would be a waste of time for everyone. My advice is for you to learn from the mistakes you’ve made and don’t make them again.
Mustering up a tiny scoop of pride in your life is sometimes almost impossible until you learn to forgive yourself. I have had to forgive me more times than I can count. And believe me . . . me is sometimes more than I can handle alone. But with Jesus, I have never been alone. Never. Regardless of my own stupidity or sin, He has been relentless. No matter how shameful, He is shameless in his pursuit to love me, despite how little I love myself. And He never fails to send a sign, a person, a reminder.
I have a new songwriter friend, Ben Fuller. His song “Chasing Rebels” left me sitting on the couch in my living room in a heap. And that’s not always a bad thing.
I ain’t one to hide my stupid and my stubborn
I won’t lie about the alleys where I’ve been
I won’t ever try to cover all the lies that pulled me under
Nearly buried in a box of my own sin
And this freedom that I’ve found is not a platform
For me to boast in anything that I have done
It’s just a messy canvas, of God’s mercy in my madness
And a fiery love that I could not outrun
When it comes to failure, you’re no different
When it comes to shame, you’re not alone
From prodigals on barstools
To pretenders in the church pews
Nobody’s ever really too far goneI find no glory in my story
All the times I ran away
And I’m not proud of where I’ve been
And all the choices that I’ve made
But if my past is now your present
I’m prayin’ you see how
There’s an unrelenting, comin’ for you Savior
Who loves chasing rebels down
Believe me, a heap of sobbing tears can sometimes have a better cleansing effect than juicing up something green with vinegar gummies. (Yes, I’ve tried that too!) You can’t linger there — but there have been times that I have sat on a bench at the cemetery and just had a good old-fashioned, snot-dripping, tear-streaming, sobfest. Afterwards, I walk back to the house and truly feel like I have lost about three pounds in body fluid. I should probably sob and walk a few miles afterwards to double my efforts!
There is something purging about pouring it all out. And purging isn’t pretty. Trouble is, if the dam cracks just a little about one incident in my life — there will be an avalanche of grief and regret that will burst through and flood a perfectly nice day.
If that happens to you, wade through it. Dry yourself off and square your shoulders — there’s an “unrelenting, coming-for-you Savior” who will wade through flood and fire to rescue you.
Chonda Pierce joins Randy and Tammy on LIFE TODAY. Excerpted from Life Is Funny Until It’s Not by Chonda Pierce.
Copyright ©2024 by Chonda Pierce. Published by Skyhorse Publishing. Used by permission.
