The times my dad would communicate with me usually involved him reminiscing, telling stories of old. And oh, he had a sordid life! His tales of his adventures could have been any movie we watch at the box office. One story he told me has stuck with me to this day.
He was a boxer, and in the course of his punching career, he had fought and lost to the golden glove champion of that year. The odds on my father were that he would be knocked out in the first round.
My dad went toe-to-toe with his opponent for every round, surprising everyone.
He did not win the fight but strangely, as he articulated that story, I remember seeing a peculiar kind of joy in his eyes as he talked about the pain in his physical body. His eyes had been swollen shut, with blood gushing from his nose and lips, due to the sheer beating he had taken.
“Dad, why do you look happy that you were beaten so bad, and you lost the fight? You hate to lose,” I asked.
He said the most profound thing, but it would be years before I knew the gravity of his statement, and what it would teach me. Years later, after that man who beat my dad went on to be one of the boxing champions of the world, he was interviewed on television. My dad was watching his defeater in our home.
That man was asked one question that I believe changed my father.
“What was your hardest fight opponent’s name, and the hardest hitter you’ve ever encountered?” the television interviewer asked.
“That man, that champion, said my name,” he said with tears in his eyes, staring right at me.
“It’s not about winning every fight. It’s clearly about what they remember about you after you get up.” He looked into the distance as if he was recalling what it was like to gather himself off the ring floor and stand up.
My dad didn’t like to lose, and he lost everything he loved when he lost his sons. But that particular fight – that moment in time, if I had to guess – taught him something about his own self. He was not a quitter, and he was a strong contender to the end. He claimed his success by getting up and knowing he wasn’t a loser.
Looking back, it wasn’t just the story itself that filled me with admiration for my father, it was the way he told it. He seemed to be a victim through the life I had watched him live, but when he told me that particular story I heard victory in every word.
As I’ve grown in my Christian walk, I’ve often wondered if the thing my father fought most of all was his self-image. Lord knows I and many others struggle with our identity in this way. The picture he carried in his mind of who he was did not match who he had hoped to be. I never saw him terribly joyful, because his soul was filled with grief that never subsided. Now, I just wonder what might have been if he had known how to get healing.
He didn’t know how to maneuver through the rough terrain of accusations and guilt trips the enemy places on us, or how we can choose to take captive the enemy’s lies circling around our heads. This could have helped him with his inward struggle. Maybe, because he had not received the greatest love of all, he couldn’t give it to himself or others.
Strangely, I would consider him an overcomer. Later in his life he received Jesus, but even then I think he just had trouble believing Jesus truly loved him; there was the conflict. The biggest obstacle for my dad, myself and many others is we’ve based whether or not Jesus can love us based on how good our lives seem to be, or whether our past warrants that kind of love. We often speak words about ourselves that demean and negate who we are as a person. Until finally, we believe our own press.
Can I just tell you that your past failures or accomplishments will never disqualify or deserve God’s love? That’s why it’s called grace and mercy, because He gives His love freely and we don’t deserve it. Now, we need to start speaking words that come into agreement with all the fullness we have through Jesus, because every single one of us are victors, no matter if it feels like we’re winning the fight or not.
Randy Robison and Tammy Trent hear more from Kerrie Oles this Monday on LIFE TODAY. Excerpted from Unlock Now by Kerrie Oles. Copyright ©2018 by Kerrie Oles. Published by Carpenter’s Son Publishing. Used by permission.
