“I’d like to suggest that the single most important decision you will make in the coming years, the one that will have by far the biggest long-term impact, is this one: Will I remain open to fathering?”
That’s the core question John Eldredge asks not only of his own son, but of everyone.
“I don’t mean from me,” he clarifies. “I mean from your truest Father, your God.”
The journey John and his son Sam embark upon in their new book Killing Lions is the same journey that all of us travel: the search for guidance, inspiration, and purpose. And, of course, the courage to rise up and “kill lions,” a metaphor from the wilds of Africa that symbolizes the struggles we all face in life.
“The culture of young men feels like Peter Pan’s Neverland,” Sam writes. “Every choice to step up and play the man is opposed by the pull to take the path of least resistance, to not grow up. The boy in me wants to coast, to take the easier road, to play all the time. Deeper still, the boy in me is really good at thinking about myself, and for him fear is the great wolf stopping any action that might be difficult. All play and no work makes Jack…seriously undeveloped and useless. The boy suffers action, while the man takes action.”
John picks up this struggle as he writes, “There is an independent spirit that comes with the twenties, and in many ways it is right on time. You need to head off into your own life, make your own decisions, and assert your own mastery over your world. But thanks to the divorce generation and the adolescent culture, most young men seize that independent spirit like a banner and never look for any form of fathering. A host of Peter Pans. But as you have discovered, the thrill of self-determination soon gives way to loneliness and disorientation. We were never made to do life without a father; fatherhood is literally at the center of our universe. I know isolation has become our normal and it feels like freedom, but the trade-off just isn’t worth it.”
The solution, John and Sam discover, is right in front of us in Scripture. It is illustrated in the story of the Israelites, those original wanderers who failed to stay close to their Father.
‘How I would set you among My sons
And give you a pleasant land,
The most beautiful inheritance of the nations!’
And I said, ‘You shall call Me, My Father,
And not turn away from following Me.’
(Jeremiah 3:19)
They failed. And today, our failure to turn to God as Father causes us to suffer. “Our allergy to God is never more obvious than when we look at how few men seek him out as Father,” John states. “I became a follower of Jesus at nineteen and knew God was our Father, but I lament that I have only sought his fathering in the past several years.”
Most of us seek something to replace the demands of relationship. As Sam writes, “What we want right off the bat is a map of some kind, a plan, a clear path to begin walking down. Something that makes it clear what is important for us to do, and how to start doing it right now.”
The problem? “God doesn’t give one,” John says. “Nobody gets the master plan, not even a five-year overview – have you ever wondered why? The reason is simple and massively disruptive: God wants us to seek him, draw near to him, learn to walk with him, and frankly we won’t do it if we have a plan to follow instead.”
And so we come to the heart of so many problems. So much isolation, confusion, aimlessness, restlessness, and discontent. We don’t find fulfillment because that can only be satisfied by the One who created us and predestined our purpose. Discovering that purpose begins with a simple concept: repentance, which simply means to turn around.
“It begins with a posture,” John writes. “I need a father; I have a father; I am going to seek my father. Isn’t that the turning point in the story of the prodigal son? He shook off his independence and took on a new posture, a willingness to turn father-ward… and it saved him.”
“Ask God to father you, every day,” John continues. “I’m serious. As you wake in the morning, as you drive to work, as you face the new thing, say, ‘Father, I need you to help me today; I ask you to father me.’ Begin a practice of asking for it; then remember to ask for it when you realize you haven’t asked in some time.”
This is the secret to “killing lions.” This is how we overcome the obstacles, master the challenges, and achieve the victories.
“Yes, it is awkward and unfamiliar territory for most of us,” John concludes. “But the rewards of being fathered have no equal on earth.”
John and Sam Eldredge appear this Monday and Tuesday on LIFE TODAY. Article written by James Randall Robison. Book excerpts from Killing Lions by John and Sam Eldredge. Copyright ©2014 by John and Sam Eldredge. Published by Nelson Books, an imprint of Thomas Nelson, Inc. All rights reserved.
